tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
