Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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