I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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