you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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