Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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