All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
