If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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