Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's Friday. Sex?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
