I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
