I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
