I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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