im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
being pregnant is like rehab
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We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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