Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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