Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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