i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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