So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
