Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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