So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
