That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
