On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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