i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
