I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
