Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
