so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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