Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
