my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
