Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
