i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
