Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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