My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
