An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize