She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
