birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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