i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
