Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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