this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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