Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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