The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
