I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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