My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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