we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
