that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
