he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
