I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
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We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
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If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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