The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
