Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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