Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize