conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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