Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
