My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
