get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
