Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize