I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
