So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
