Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
