I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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