Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
