I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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