Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
