Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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