anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
