so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
