Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
