I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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