I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
