I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
