So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
