You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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