I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
